Who's there in the darkest hour?

Who’s There in the Darkest Hour?
By Jana Chapman

     I had held my son almost nonstop for the two past days.  I was alone with him on the far end of the cancer ward on the fourth floor of the hospital.  Fever had consumed him and the central line protruded from his neck making it hard to hold him.  There was this moment, a tangible moment, that I felt him give up his fight to live.  We had already been in the hospital for more then two weeks and things kept getting worse.  It was this painful waiting game.  I was so terrified.  The kind of terrified that makes you shake, for hours on end.  If fear had teeth it would have taken chunks out of me so big I would have been unable to stand.  I paced back and forth in a four-foot space.  The doctors and nurses were waiting to see if the antibiotics were going to fight his consuming infection. His arms slid limp to his sides and fell open, his head rolled to the side of the IV site. I sat down and pulled him in front of me.

   “Sten, don’t you do it! Don’t you dare give up.  I haven’t given up.  God hasn’t given up. Fight this. God help me, fight this.” Hot tears streamed down my face.  I hoped with every fiber in my being I was not going to be asked to give him up.  I started to sing in a shaky whisper,

    ‘”When I am afraid I will trust in you, I will trust in you.”  Waves of fear washed over me, in hugely overwhelming swells. I wrapped my son in my arms and rocked him back and forth.

     It had been two years of 9 surgeries.  The first one took place when he was less then 24 hours old.  My heart was so tired and weak.  My marriage was collapsing; I was exhausted and hadn’t gotten more then two hours of sleep at a time.  There were procedures that were painful for my son that took hours.  Hours of screaming and I was determined to be there for him.  If he had to go through it there was no way he was going to do it without me!

     I (We) have a God who is there!  He is with us in the darkest hour.  The horrible moments stacked up, turning from hours to days and were finally brought to an end when we walked out of the hospital 5 days later.  I was well aware that not everyone was going to walk out of there with their loved one in arm.  Regardless of the outcome, at every moment I had Someone I could count on.  Not because he was making every thing perfect but his presence was there.  I was not alone; my son was not alone in his pain.  We have an awesome God who does not abandon us. Don’t take my word for it in…. John 14:18 Jesus says, “ I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.”  Life has sweet moments of celebration but it also has dark hard moments of despair but know this. Our God can be taken at his word.  Know that he is with you and not just because of a sweeping emotion that overwhelms you.  He is there because he said so.  We are only alone if we choose to be alone.  There is no situation we face that isn’t improved with the presence of God.  We have a God who is willing to get dirty in the trenches with us.  He will meet you in the darkest alley or the most abandoned dessert.   He is always just a whisper away.

Diana